If we in the west could just be honest with ourselves we would acknowledge that a great number of interesting medical and scientific advances are coming from places such as…well possibly only from…North Korea. Leader Kim Jong Un (reported in a new textbook to have learned to drive at age 3 and to have won a yacht race at age 9) is apparently heavily involved in almost every case, shoe-horning in the time while also designing nuclear weapons. Most reports come from the solid journalistic source the Pyongyang Times, which is peer reviewed with the peer being Kim Jong Un.
The latest breakthrough is a handy if not life-saving drink which is 30-40% alcohol, yet if you overindulge it leaves you with no hangover. It’s said to be made from “a type of indigenous ginseng called insam and glutinous rice, and cultivated by an organic farming method.” Further, “Koryo Liquor, which is made of six year-old Kaesong Koryo insam, known as being highest in medicinal effect, and the scorched rice, is highly appreciated by experts and lovers as it is suave and causes no hangover.” Suave is a much sought after quality among connoisseurs. How very generous of them to provide us with almost enough information to allow anyone to reproduce the stuff in a basement or microbrewery. Not sure what kinds of “lovers” are referenced.
The insam is clearly the key not only to this but to a potentially limitless parade of medicines. Last year North Korea reported that products made with that as the basis have been shown to cure, among other things, SARS, MERS and AIDS. If you have an acronym-based condition, insam is worth looking into.
It’s a bit hard to tell how carefully the scientific method is adhered to in breakthroughs such as these since information coming out of the country is something less than free-flowing, but if an article describing this anti-hangover drink was published in the Kim Jong Un Journal of Annals (which might not yet exist) the abstract could look something like this:
Alcoholic beverage unquestionably solving imperialist-caused problem of hangover
Author: Peerless Leader Kim Jong Un, et al.
Introduction: The lack of anything to do beyond working, sometimes eating, and watching videos of Great Sun of the Nation Kim Jong Un has led many of our countrymen and women to drink alcoholic beverages in very large quantities. Not that there is anything terribly wrong with that since our superior liquor industry produces beverages unmatched by any nation, including the criminal United States. One small side effect of this consumption tends to be the symptoms known traditionally as a “hangover.” Some citizens would prefer to drink without having symptoms such as murderous headaches, over-sensitivity to martial music, and aversion to Kimchi.
Objectives: Develop an alcoholic beverage for consumption which will satisfy the need for inoffensive flavor and early intoxication leading to forgetting one’s overall situation while allowing for a symptom free morning after.
Methods: Under the guidance of Brilliant Leader Kim Jong Un all scientists and brewers and distillers turned their attention to solving the problem which on very rare occasion even afflicts the Great Leader in a very minor way, creating his interest. Testing of in excess of 10,000 grain combinations over a two week period in which sleep was sought only by the weak and politically questionable produced 230 potential formulas. These multicolored liquids were then tested in a combination phase I/phase IV trial which resulted in fewer than 500 deaths. A suave liquor based on a recipe created by Guarantee of the Fatherland’s Unification Kim Jong Un and using the ginseng insam proved to be the most effective at achieving the desired results. The recipe itself is a state secret and readers are advised to not even ask.
Results: Hangovers are a thing of the past for users of the amazing drink envisioned and formulated by Unique Leader Kim Jong Un in his laboratory using his personally designed beakers and pipettes (photos available). Koryo Liquor is now available for purchase within the borders of our noble nation. It will soon also be available on the internet through Amazon, Alibaba, and eBay.
Conclusion: As in the past in innumerable cases, Beloved and Respected General Kim Jong Un has seen a need, recognized the futility of expecting the imperialist west to fulfill that need, and taken steps personally to meet that need. It goes without saying that his skills in chemistry, physics, agronomy and distillery are peerless and godlike. In his incomparable humility, he only apologizes for the delay which slowed the first bottles from reaching state store shelves. Those responsible have been dealt with. No further research is required.